Harry Potter and the Kingdom of Tortall
by Isodella
Summary: Jonathan goes insane. may even be funny. i have added another chapter? be afraid. oh yeah, and i changed the title...
1. The Saga begins

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. And do you seriously think I'd be sitting here writing fan-fiction if I did? Well, do you?  
  
A/N: This is very stupid. Read at your own risk. *.* is italics. Also, I don't have anything against Harry Potter and I enjoyed the books, I just like teasing him. Please don't be offended.  
  
Try to Save the King  
  
"Great!" Said Alanna, "Now I have to watch Jonathan's *offspring*, and I have to go to the bloody ball!" Princess Kalasin looked up at her with sad puppy-dog eyes. "Oh. Its not that I don't love you," she cooed, giving the six year old a hug. "Don't worry!" said Harry Potter in an annoying whiny voice, "Flippendo!" and before anything could be done, Princess Kalasin and Prince Roald were hanging from the ceiling, suspended on heavy metal chains attached to their ankles. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?" yelled Alanna, "and who the bloody hell are you?" Just then Jonathan *strode* into the room and saw his children dangling from the roof. His left eye ball bulged, and he roared, "Ahh, what have you done to my children, you cretin?" and he proceeded to shake Alanna Savagely. "I didn't do it, *he* did!" she bellowed, pointing to the offending object. Harry cringed pathetically. Jonathan roared, advancing on the ugly little boy, and suddenly he stopped. His body started to convulse, and he was soon writhing on the ground. "Oh no!" he's gone into one of his fits again!?" said Alanna. "Didn't mean to," whinged Harry. Alanna glared at Harry viciously, and his lovely green eyes filled with tears of cowardice. The King suddenly stopped writhing and stood up, looking at his children through one blood-shot eye. "Ah, do them good! He said, and with a crazy laugh, he ran from the room. "QUICK!" yelled Alanna to nobody in particular, "After him!" thinking twice, she rounded on Harry, "And *you* stay here," she race out of the room, Harry tagging along behind. Neither of them noticed the bright-blue puppy-dog eyes Princess Kalasin turned to them as they left.  
  
Runny through the halls after the king, Alanna bumped into Duke Rodger, automatically cutting him down as she went. When they reached the hall of crowns, Alanna caught up and tackled Jonathan to the ground, pinning him down. Just then, George came in. "Alanna! What are you doin'?" he yelled. "Jonathan's having one of his episodes! It's bloody worse than usual!" "Oh, that's alright then," said George, and raced into the fray. Soon they had the King gagged and bound and lying on floor. "Quick we need the finest wizard around!" yelled George. "I-," Harry began, "Not *you*! Go and find someone else!" snapped Alanna. "Okay!" whimpered Harry.  
  
(Several hours of tediously checking on the king's twitching body come to pass)  
  
"That's it, I can't take anymore of this!" said Thayet, who had arrived moments earlier. "Where's that scrawny lad who said he was gettin' someone?" asked George. "Who cares!" replied Alanna. "Mayhap Rodger's old rooms might give us somethin' to go on?" asked George. "Huh, yes, I really think so," said Alanna sarcastically, "Rodger only had ways to bloody kill Jonathan, not bloody revive him." "It's still worth a try," said Thayet diplomatically, and the three of them left Jonathan for Rodger's rooms. None of them noticed Jonathan's beautiful blue Puppy-dog eyes glittering insanely after them.  
  
On the way they met Sir Gareth (the younger) and Sir Myles of Olau. They were arguing heatedly about the best way to bring down a crazed Centaur. "I tell you, you aim for the throat!" yelled Sir Gareth. "Bah! What about the forelegs? You have to chop the hooves-" "Myles! Gary! The King's gone crazy!" interrupted Thayet. "What?" they yelled in unison, "No time to explain must get to fanatical Duke's rooms, no time." said George in a 'Duff-man' voice. And they all hurtled off down the corridors.  
  
*(Several hours of becoming lost in the palace, blindly picking up people such as Thom, Alanna's son Thom, Raoul and Daine come to pass)*  
  
Finally they arrived in Rodger's chambers. "What war was fought here?" asked Raoul of the mess, "Rodger wasn't as neat as we were lead to believe," said Myles Sinisterly. "If only you hadn't killed Rodger this mornin', Alanna, he might have helped us make sense of this clutter," George added unhelpfully. Alanna shrugged. "Yes, sister dear," said Thom tiredly, "No sooner had I finished raising Rodger and myself to life, than you go and kill him. Really and truly! It's the fourth time this week!" he looked around the room for support. Everyone except Thom junior averted their eyes. "Shut up Thom!" said Alanna irritably, "If you bloody wouldn't keep doing your 'Cole' trick, I'd vanquish you on the spot!" And they went to work. But their search proved fruitless. The only volumes to be found in Rodger's book shelf were titles like, 'An Usurper's Guide to Tortall', 'My First Murder', and 'Regicidal Movements of the 390's'. At Last they sat down with a sigh and stared into space for a good five minutes. "Hey!" exclaimed Daine, "Maybe Delia of Eldorne knows something!" "Who're you?" asked Gary, "I'm Daine," said Daine. "Oh," said Gary. "To the Dungeons!" yelled George  
  
As the company raced through the building, George puffed to Alanna, "Why would Delia know anything?" "Why the bloody hell would bloody anyone know anything? Why did we think bloody Rodger would have?" "Good point," said George.  
  
Down in the Dungeons where all is dank and dark and dingy, the companions tip-toed grimly. Unknown slimy substances brushed against them as they walked past. Finally, in the deeps of the dungeons, approximately one thousand metres below sea-level, in the most irksome pit, the direst hell- hole, they found Delia. Wrenching the rusted door open, they all crowed in. Delia sat on the bare stone floor doing her nails and trying *very* hard not to cry. Just then, the earth began to shake....  
  
Dun dun dun.... If you are laughing hysterically, review, if you are staring blankly at the screen in utter confusion, review, and if (as most likely you are) you are shaking your head in disgust, review. 


	2. Gandalf and a party

Hey. Well, one review. I don't mind, I'm going to add more, just to spite you! I don't own anything you recognise, ya da ya da ya da... *.* is italics, I have nothing against Harry Potter...I'm also crazy...  
  
Hey Look, Chapter 2  
  
"What the bloody hell was that?" asked Alanna.  
  
"Are you *sure* you killed Rodger? He's usually the one who-"  
  
"I'm bloody sure I bloody killed bloody Rodger, alright?" snapped bloody Alanna.  
  
"Alright already! Chill! Settle petal! Be *cool*!" said George. Everyone gave him an  
  
I-think-you're-really-weird-but-I-don't-want-to-say-anything look. As they looked the  
  
ceiling started to crumble. Delia screamed, covering her eyes. George looked at the  
  
roof worriedly.  
  
"Looks like there's going to be a fair big earthquake!" said Daine brightly.  
  
"Looks like we're all going to die!" said Alanna.  
  
"Right. Better make this quick. Delia, do you know anythin' about savin' the King  
  
from a series of Deadly and un-diagnosed spasms of the brain, left kidney, right  
  
eyeball, mandible, femur, sternum, tibia or third toe from the right?" George asked  
  
hurriedly.  
  
"What?" asked Delia.  
  
"Obviously not," said Thom snootily.  
  
"THEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE BLOODY WAITING FOR?"  
  
yelled Alanna, "RUN!"  
  
And they ran, but not before Gary had carefully locked the door to Delia's cell behind  
  
them. Her plaintive cries echoed through the halls.  
  
"*Please* don't leave me! I'll be good! I can change!" she hammered on the door.  
  
"Hello? Is anyone there?"  
  
The company of companions eventually made it back to the hall of crowns, where Jonathan lay, moaning in his bonds. The ground heaved beneath them, and Alanna  
  
cursed mightily.  
  
"What bloody use is a bloody dominion jewel when the only bloody person who can  
  
use it is lying prone on the floor?" she asked herself.  
  
"The people are clamouring at the palace gates! They are deeply disturbed by the  
  
earth tremors!" cried Thayet.  
  
"You're the Queen. You deal with them," said Thom. Thayet sniffed, and flounced of  
  
to soothe the seething crowds.  
  
"We must put our minds to work," said Myles, "We must put all other thoughts aside,  
  
we must-"  
  
"Oh shut up, you old codger," snapped Thom, "While you've all been nattering away,  
  
*I've* been hard at work raising Rodger. I couldn't get it perfect with all the noise, so  
  
he's a bit worse for wear, but he'll do." Rodger emerged from behind Thom, a twisted  
  
skeleton compared to his former glory. His robes were tattered and torn; his beautiful  
  
blue, puppy-dog eyes were washed out and shrunken. Every one stared at him, not  
  
making a sound. A full minute passed.  
  
"What?" snapped Thom irritably, "I've been under a lot of pressure lately, alright?"  
  
Alanna snorted, and Thom and Rodger glared at her.  
  
"I really don't see how this will help us, Thom," said Myles with barely concealed  
  
displeasure.  
  
"Hear, hear! Rodger's much more trouble then he's worth, I always say!" yelled Buri,  
  
whose sudden appearance had caused Raoul's heart to flutter.  
  
"I'm going to take over the world, and no-one can stop me!" laughed Rodger, passing  
  
into a fit of insane giggles.  
  
"Uh, Thom? Did you revive quite *all* of his brain when you brought him back?"  
  
asked Raoul. Thom chose not to dignify this with an answer. Without warning, knife  
  
in hand, Rodger made a lunge at the King's trembling body. Fortunately, Harry Potter  
  
chose that moment to fall through the roof, landing on his feet on Rodgers tomb-weak  
  
shoulders. The psycho-sorcerer, of course, stood no chance. With a resounding crack,  
  
his shoulder snapped.  
  
"Sorry to *drop* in!" yelled The Potter. The young man's already much-to-be- desired  
  
appearance was not improved by the fact that he was wearing his loin-cloth on the  
  
outside of his breeches. His scarlet cape parted to reveal a large picture of a harry-  
  
potter-scar, ripped down the middle on an extremely un-muscled chest. His baby-blue balaclava clashed awkwardly with his thick black lenses.  
  
With a moan, Rodger staggered to his feet, and with his last ounce of strength created  
  
a blinding flash, in which he (of course) disappeared. Alanna put her head in her  
  
hands, and sat glaring at the floor.  
  
"This whole bloody fiasco was bloody caused by *you*," she jumped up and pointed  
  
at Harry the Hero.  
  
"Didn't mean it," he whined.  
  
"Are you the same lad who went to fetch someone before?" asked George peaceably.  
  
"No! I-I mean Yes! I mean-"  
  
"Spit it out lad!"  
  
"I found someone! Gandalf the Grey! He'll be here soon! Please don't hurt me."  
  
"Who the bloody hell is Gandalf the Grey?" asked Alanna viciously, glaring daggers  
  
at him.  
  
"He'll be here soon! I promise! He's *really* wise!" Harry pleaded.  
  
"Wise, *eh?* Good wizard, *eh?* And only *your* word for it, eh?" Said Gary  
  
disparagingly.  
  
Before Harry and Gary could get into a more deep and meaningful argument, there was a loud rap on the door. Harry answered it. Outside he found none other than Gandalf the Grey, HIMSELF.  
  
"*You're* late," Harry whined.  
  
"A Wizard is never late!" shouted Gandalf.  
  
"I'm a wizard, I'm not late, and I'm here already and-"  
  
"YOU FOOL!" gasped Gandalf, and shuddered, closing his eyes momentarily,  
  
regaining his composure.  
  
"You're bloody right," remarked Alanna, "Although I could think of worse than  
  
'fool'-"  
  
"SHUTUP ALANNA!" yelled everyone except Harry and Gandalf. Gandalf and  
  
Alanna smiled conspiratorially at each other, and Harry whimpered. There was a  
  
moderately long silence in which all members of the company mulled over the  
  
situation. The only sound to be heard was an occasional twitch from the king.  
  
Gandalf, leaning decrepitly on his staff, finally spoke.  
  
"So, what may I do for you? I must admit, I have only been in the fair country you  
  
call Tortall for as little as three hours. I was banished from my own world, through the  
  
fires of hell, no less, because of that unfortunate episode with the Dark Lord that I  
  
would rather not talk about. How can I possibly help you?" he spoke so majestically,  
  
and so nobly that at first they were lost for words. George spoke first.  
  
"Well, you see, sir, our king here is taken quite poorly, and we need a great wizard  
  
such as yourself to fix him," they all stared at him, "Er, that wasn't meant to come out  
  
like that. He's sick, see."  
  
Gandalf laughed nervously, "Oh, I see. Well, I left all my healing plants back in  
  
Middle Earth, so I'm afraid I won't be of much service." He quivered suddenly, and  
  
gave a long, racking cough. He blushed.  
  
"Comes from smoking too much weed," he explained.  
  
"You're on bloody drugs?" asked Alanna.  
  
"Well, not exactly-"  
  
"Don't bloody worry about it! I'm on bloody worse!" she said, winking. They all  
  
stared at her, edging away slowly. There was a long silence.  
  
"Well, then," Said George Jovially, "What are we going to do now, eh?"  
  
"Whensh shin doubtsh, ask Myshes," said Duke Gareth, staggering in to the room, a  
  
bottle of rum in his hand. "Here, I brought plenty for everyonesh," he laughed, tossing  
  
them each a bottle, which he produced miraculously from his coat-pocket. Suddenly  
  
the tension in the room was eased, the king forgotten. Soon the whole company were laughing and singing uproariously.  
  
"What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor, Early in the morning?"  
  
They bellowed in rounds. More food and wine was brought by mysterious servants  
  
that no one could remember hiring, and it turned into a regular party. Duke Baird the  
  
healer came in his 'Death' costume, fully equipped with grim reaper black- robe and  
  
skull-face, his home-made hatchet slung over one shoulder. This started a trend.  
  
Alanna showed everyone her bloody fairy costume, and Myles did a boogie in his big-  
  
bird suit. They played wrap-the-mummy with King Jonathan's body and some  
  
bandages, followed by murder in the dark and spin the bottle. Alanna had a conniption  
  
about being forced to kiss Harry, who quickly curled up in a ball with his hands over  
  
his ears, rocked back and forth, and muttered about crazy people in pink.  
  
At this point, the shady looking character in the floor-length brown over coat turned  
  
up. His eyes moved shiftily from side to side as he approached George. He opened  
  
one side of his coat to reveal rows of trinkets and baubles.  
  
"Wanna buy a watch?" he asked in a lowered voice. George sized him, and opened  
  
his own coat.  
  
"I think we may be able to do business," he whispered greasily. Suddenly the shady  
  
looking character's eyes widened and he whispered hurriedly,  
  
"Gotta go!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You'll see!" he snuck off, and George turned around. Duke Gareth was staring  
  
formidably down at him (George was kneeling suspiciously over something on the  
  
ground).  
  
"Weresh yoush doing somethinksh illegal?" he asked, trying to look dignified and  
  
failing tragically.  
  
"Er, no, hehe, of course not!" said George brightly.  
  
"Thatsh all right thensh!" giggled His Grace, and wandered off to woo Buri.  
  
Amidst all the fun and games, there was an ear-shattering crack. The air warped, and  
  
all were instantly sobered. Rodger's emaciated, corpse like body appeared with  
  
another blinding flash, and he crowed with unholy glee. His plastered shoulder only  
  
took a little away from the over-all effect. The previously drunken group edged  
  
towards the wall, staring at him with a mixture of shock and horror written all over  
  
their faces. Rodger staggered (not strode!) over to Jonathan's bandaged body and  
  
gestured. Both men disappeared with one last insane cackle from the Duke.  
  
Alanna sighed.  
  
"Well. If that isn't just bloody fantastic."  
  
Yay? Nay. Oh well. 


	3. Our nobles are sidetracked

Hello again. Thanks for reviewing....here we go again..  
  
Chapter three, eh? (I no own, you now own, we no own together)  
  
"Now what?" asked Gary,  
  
"Maybe Delia of Eldorne knows something," said Daine,  
  
"Who're are you?" asked Myles,  
  
"I'm Daine," said Daine.  
  
"Oh," said Myles.  
  
"To the Dungeons!" yelled George,  
  
"NO!" yelled everyone else, except Buri and Duke Gareth, who were.well *busy*.  
  
"We have no bloody King, the earth is cracking up as we speak, and Thayet has  
  
bloody failed to bloody calm the seething masses," said Alanna, shaking her head in  
  
disgust. Just then, Thayet staggered into the room, her beautiful face scratched and  
  
bloodied,  
  
"They broke through," she gasped, "RUN!"  
  
And, like frightened rabbits overcome with an unexplained and absolute terror of the  
  
unknown, they bolted, each in their own separate direction. As fate would have it,  
  
Harry Potter and Alanna of Olau, Trebond and Pirate's Swoop managed to choose the  
  
same hiding spot (an old broom cupboard in one of the castle's many laundries). The  
  
Young Potter turned frightened green eyes onto the ropable red head who had some  
  
how appeared behind him without being noticed.  
  
"What the hell are *you* doing here?" she whispered, but all the poor boy could do  
  
was cower and make frantic gestures for her to be quiet. This only served to aggravate  
  
her further and caused her to raise her voice,  
  
"You little @#$%%^&*!"  
  
"P-pardon?"  
  
"I *Said*-" but she never finished, as an almighty bang chose that moment to come  
  
into existence above there heads. There were various other small clatters as bits of  
  
stone tumbled to the ground. Down through a hole in the roof (it was a bad day for the  
  
palace and holes) came an angry mob. And not just any angry mob, this one was fully  
  
equipped with pitchforks, burning torches, pikes, rocks and an assortment of kitchen  
  
utensils. It seemed to have left its battering ram somewhere in the room above. The  
  
people, of course, were all screaming and yelling incoherently, so Harry and Alanna  
  
were, for the moment, speechless. Finally the noise subsided enough for one red-  
  
faced, meaty-looking baker to communicate at a primitive level to the occupants of  
  
the now semi-demolished broom cupboard.  
  
"YOUSTUPIDNOBLES, THINK YORESOGOOD, WELL I 'AVE NEWSFOR  
  
YOU! THERES PEOPLE DIEING IN EARTHQUAKES, SUPERNATURAL, MARK  
  
YOU, AND ALLYOUCAN DO IS SITTHERE ANDDRINKAND HIDE-," the large  
  
man's face was, by this time, purple with rage, so his speech reverted back to its  
  
original incomprehensibility. Alanna, after some consideration, drew her sword and  
  
pointed it at the yowling horde. With a feral war-cry, she charged them, and  
  
unsurprisingly, they parted to let her through (you would to if you had seen her face).  
  
Harry Potter was not so lucky. Seeing an easy target, the mob turned their depraved  
  
faces towards him. They advanced, leering and cackling and making rude comments  
  
about Potter's appearance.  
  
"Help! Help!" he cried, "Oh, please, Miss, Sir, Alanna, My lady!" Alanna looked on  
  
in disgust. Obviously it wasn't everything to have faced down Lord Voldemort three  
  
times so far. She didn't take into account that he was a scrawny fourteen- year-old boy  
  
with no wand.  
  
(Elsewhere in the castle)  
  
George: "Get the feelin' we're actin' like cowards?"  
  
Gary: "No!"  
  
Myles: "We are simply taking stock of the situation from a safer vantage point."  
  
George: "Oh, right, so that would mean we have to get our of this garbage disposal  
  
unit when?"  
  
(Yet another Location)  
  
Buri: oh, Sir GARETH!  
  
Sir Gareth (senior): Oh, BURI! Thayet: EWWW!  
  
(In the midst of the mob)  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH! Help! I'm only a kid! Please don't kill me!" yelled the stricken  
  
Potter boy.  
  
One woman leered at him, "Why not? Yore in with them nobles, ain'tcha?"  
  
Before she could utter another word, Alanna had her head off with one sweep of her  
  
blade,  
  
"Right! Anyone else for a spar?" she bellowed, her eyes glittering with bloodlust.  
  
Several stupid people raised their hands, and while Alanna slaughtered a few more  
  
civilians, Harry Potter edged away unnoticed as only Harry Potter can. Slinking down  
  
the hallway, he bumped into Daine.  
  
(The garbage disposal unit)  
  
George: I don't know about you people, but it's really startin' to smell in here."  
  
Myles: I TOLD YOU we were simply-"  
  
Gary: If you're so BRAVE, why don't YOU go out their, eh?"  
  
George: Fine, I will!" *squeezes out*  
  
Gary: Hey wait! I didn't mean.please don't leave us!"  
  
George: "Sorry! Bye!" *wanders off down hallway*  
  
(somewhere else)  
  
Thayet: I'm traumatized. I can no longer think rationally. I can't take much more of  
  
this. I'm going, I am going." *curls up into a ball and starts to shake*  
  
Buri: "What's her problem?"  
  
Sir Gareth (holding out more liquor): "Notsh shure. Wan shome more? Yoush have  
  
pretty eyeses!"  
  
Buri: "Yes *hic* please *drunken giggle* yore Grace *hic*!"  
  
(in Daine's hallway)  
  
"Hello Harry!" said Daine.  
  
"Who're you?" asked Harry warily.  
  
"I'm Daine!" said Daine.  
  
"Oh." Said Harry.  
  
"D'you think I'm pretty?" asked Daine, fluttering her long eyelashes flirtatiously.  
  
"Er, yeah, sure, um look, I think I'll be going now-"  
  
"Oh, no you won't!" said Daine, with a strange smile. She grabbed his arm and pulled  
  
him into a corner. Harry stared up at her in abject terror. She leaned down. Harry  
  
blanched. Ducking under her arm, he stumbled blindly under her arm and out into the  
  
corridor, his heart thumping. His thin body was racked with nervous spasms, and he  
  
knew he knew he could not cope with much more of this. Oh for the Dursleys! Where  
  
are you now, Aunt Petunia? Where are all the good old taunts about my appearance?  
  
He knew he had seen better days. He scrambled on along the ruined palace halls,  
  
completely lost. Finally he stopped for a breather. A voice came from behind him. He  
  
whirled, stifling a scream.  
  
"Hiya Harry!" gushed Daine, her beautiful face lit with enthusiasm.  
  
"I'm going to kill you, Harry!"  
  
(Alanna's laundry cupboard)  
  
Alanna the Lioness stood admiring her work. She had certainly taken care of *that*  
  
angry mob! Bloody Brilliant work if she didn't say so herself. Unconscious, dead or  
  
mortally wounded civilians were strewn over the wreckage of the caved-in roof. The  
  
Carnage was absolute, and had Alanna been in her normal state of mind, she would  
  
never have created such a bloodbath. But Alanna the Lioness was not in her normal  
  
state of mind, in fact she had been a bit off-colour for days now. After thoroughly  
  
surveying her work, Alanna left the room and headed back to find the others. She was  
  
slightly worried about Gary and Myles.  
  
(The garbage disposal unit)  
  
Myles: "We have to go NOW!"  
  
Gary: "But Myles, what if they're still out their?"  
  
Myles: "Gary, we'll suffocate and die."  
  
Gary: "They'll kill us anyway."  
  
Myles: "Well, I suppose we could wait a *few* more minutes...  
  
(In another place)  
  
Buri: "We really should get back to the others."  
  
Sir Gareth: *sigh* "Yesh, I suppose sho."  
  
Buri: "Maybe we'll just leave you here to rest?"  
  
Sir Gareth: "Good ideash!" *giggle* "I'll just stay heresh." *faints*  
  
Buri: "Very good, Your Grace *giggle* come along Thayet."  
  
Thayet: "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"  
  
(George's hall)  
  
George ambled down a corridor looking for Alanna when she ran straight into him.  
  
"GEORGE!" she yelled happily.  
  
"ALANNA! I haven't seen you, in what, fifteen minutes?"  
  
"You're a bloody-"  
  
"Just a joking," said George amiably. "You deal with that mob?" Alanna calmed  
  
down at the mention of her triumph.  
  
"Yes, I did. You seen Myles or Gary?"  
  
"Yes, actually, they're sitting in a garbage disposal unit, and-"  
  
"PARDON?"  
  
"They're rather, er, afraid, you see-"  
  
"NO!?"  
  
"Er, yes-"  
  
"Are they alright?"  
  
"Well, come to think of it, there's prob'ly not all that much air in there."  
  
"Show me the way!"  
  
  
  
Sir Gareth the Younger of Naxen and Sir Myles of Olau were recovered, unconscious,  
  
but otherwise unharmed inside a moderately full garbage disposal unit on a fourth  
  
floor corridor outside the Palace Kitchens belonging to King Jonathan the fourth, ruler  
  
of the kingdom of Tortall. It is necessary to note that the king himself was missing  
  
and presumed dead at this point in time.  
  
Once Gary and Myles had regained consciousness, they, with the help of Alanna and  
  
George, continued the search for their disbanded comrades. They felt quite safe, as  
  
Alanna had managed to kill most of the common folk of the lower city of Corus.  
  
"So now all we have to do now is find Buri, Thayet, Thom, Thom, and your bloody  
  
father, Gary, and we're done!" said Alanna happily.  
  
"We still have to find the wizard, and that weird little girl with badger claw around  
  
her neck," said Gary,  
  
"And that scrawny lad with his knickers showing," put in George,  
  
"Not to mention ordering replacements for all those civilians you killed, Alanna," said  
  
Myles sternly.  
  
"And the small matter of Duke Rodger taking Jonathan," added Gary.  
  
"But those two are probably dead by now, with all their injuries, wouldn't they be?"  
  
asked Alanna, surprised,  
  
"ALANNA!" said Myles, Gary and George in unison.  
  
"Oh, alright! I suppose this means we have to go after them. Damn that stupid  
  
Rodger!" groaned Alanna.  
  
"Not that 'bloody Rodger'? Asked George innocently.  
  
We'll there you are. I haven't written any of this for ages. I think it might be getting  
  
too stupid, or to gruesome, or something. Oh well. 


	4. Can you feel the insanity rising?

Well. No-one said to stop, so, after many months, I'm going to keep going. Hmm...  
  
I don't own anything etc.  
  
After about four days, everyone except Daine and Harry had finally made there way  
  
back to the ruins of the central foyer of the palace. Alanna was controlling the  
  
meeting:  
  
Thayet: "ahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaarghhhhhhhhhhh"  
  
George: "I've got an idea-"  
  
Duke Gareth: "So much for your hangover pills, Buri..."  
  
Alanna: "SHUTUP!"  
  
Thom: "This is all too preposterous for words."  
  
Myles: "Where'd you come from? Haven't seen you for ages."  
  
Thom: (derisively) "*I'm* not so stupid as to-"  
  
Thayet: "ARRRrrrrrrrrrrhgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  
  
Buri: "You know, it's all very quiet out there."  
  
Raoul: "Eureka, I have found it!"  
  
Duke Baird: "It is time..."  
  
Alanna: "SHUTUP!"  
  
Lil' Thom: "I have a bleeding gash across my forehead."  
  
Gandalf: "I knew I shouldn't have become involved in this."  
  
Gary: "My pet leopard is turning *green*."  
  
Alanna: "Riiigggghht. Anyway, I suppose now we have to go rescue Jonathan."  
  
Thom snorted, "Personally, I don't see why we have to go to all the trouble. I mean  
  
*I* would make a perfectly good, if not better, replacement," he said, "Until, of  
  
course, such a time as when the true heir is of age," he added hastily, seeing their hostile stares.  
  
"Of course we have to rescue him!" shouted Thayet hysterically. Alanna patted her  
  
arm soothingly, and said, somewhat reluctantly:  
  
"And of course we will, Thayet. Now, you go upstairs and separate your  
  
children from the roof, yes?"  
  
"Alright," sniffed Thayet, and walked forlornly away up the crumbling staircase. " Now-" began Alanna,  
  
"I propose a fellowship," Cut in Gandalf, "The Fellow ship for the King!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And so it was. No-one could think of anything else better to do, and so the fellowship  
  
was as follows:  
  
Alanna the Lioness,  
  
Gareth of Naxen junior,  
  
Myles of Olau,  
  
George of Pirate's swoop,  
  
And Thayet of Conte,  
  
For mortal men, in their crumbling halls,  
  
Gandalf Greyhame,  
  
Thom of Trebond,  
  
And Harry Potter, (who had turned up somewhere in the proceedings looking very  
  
much worse for wear)  
  
For extremely doubtful sorcerers, in their portals from nowhere,  
  
And Daine Sarrasri,  
  
For no one particularly, in the land of animals.  
  
And so there were nine walkers/riders/flyers to set out against one crippled sorcerer.  
  
"What about Father? Why isn't he coming?" asked Gary,  
  
"Oh, he and Buri can look after the palace and restore the population while we're  
  
away," said Alanna absently. Thom looked incredulous,  
  
"Restore the-"  
  
"Shutup and concentrate on lighting our way."  
  
"Why should I take orders from a-"  
  
"I may be suffering from rather gruesome psychological problems right now, but I am  
  
the leader of this fellowship, and what I say goes!"  
  
"Hang on a second," said Gandalf, "I am the most experienced fellowship member  
  
here. *I* should lead!" Alanna waved her sword around at the weary fellowship,  
  
"Who votes for Gandalf to lead?" Harry, in a fit of stupidity, raised his hand. It took  
  
George, Gary and Myles to restrain her from decapitating him. Alanna looked slightly  
  
shocked at her display of violence.  
  
"Maybe it would be better if I didn't lead. I have some things to think about," she  
  
said, staring around vaguely. She directed her horse Planetsun to ride a little apart  
  
from the group. George's horse, (Alanna had insisted on naming him  
  
Moonstargalaxy), strained at the bit. No one said anything else, and they proceeded to  
  
gallop leaderless into the sunset. 


End file.
